I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The feeling are messing with the penis
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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