I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The struggles of a small town man whore
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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