between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
