R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
