he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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