She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
