I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
