i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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