He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
