you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She needs sedatives and a leash
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
