weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
