Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
