You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
