woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
