my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
