Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
