I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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