K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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