But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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