I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
