What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
