you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
