We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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