It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
