I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
