My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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