this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
