hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
