you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
