Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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