Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
