After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
