We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
