I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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