yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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