Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
