Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
