when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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