Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
