Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
