Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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