I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
