this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
pray to the hookup gods
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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