From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I could fuck to npr.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
