6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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