I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
