ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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