just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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