If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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