Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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