dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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