is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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