I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
