I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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