THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
