FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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