So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
