She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
