What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
