it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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