I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
