So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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