just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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