I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
even my farts smell like vagina
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You dont lie about slip and slides
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
