If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
