toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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