I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize