I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
