Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
