i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
