i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
