I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
nutella sex= disaster
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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