I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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