omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
