things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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