You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
