Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
