I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I came so hard my ears popped.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
