So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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