Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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